by Ricky Chelette, Executive Director
One of the more frequent calls and emails that we get at LHM is about counselors. There is a feeling that if a person has the right counselor, they will be healed. Life is not that simple, but a good counselor will go a long way in helping a person understand their struggle and hopefully assist them in making wise and biblical choices for their future.
HOWEVER, and this is a BIG HOWEVER, you must be very, VERY careful about the counselor you pick!
Aside from the substantial financial investment of $150-$250 an hour (actually fifty minutes) for their services, you are about to entrust your child or yourself to the care and influence of an expert who can profoundly influence your future or that of your child.
Just because a counselor is a Christian and even counsels at a Christian Counseling Center, does not mean the counselor will agree with a Biblical view of sexuality. I have had many youth and adults who went to Christian counselors report their counselor told them, “You simply need to embrace the fact that you are gay; there is nothing you can do to change that fact.” These words are devastating to any Christian who is trying to obey God’s Word. Such statements give the “expert permission” needed to embrace their LGBTQIA+ identity, an identity we believe is forbidden in Scripture. Could these feelings be the results of relational wounds, trauma, peer rejection, attachment issues, or other relational longings? Find a counselor who believes in biblical truth and incorporates clinical excellence. Change is possible, and the path of obedience is the path that pleases God and brings ultimate joy and fulfillment to His followers.
So what’s the next step?
If you are considering a counselor, consider requesting a brief interview before your first session. This interview is not for therapy, but to determine if the counselor shares a similar worldview and will support your biblical position. Understandably, the counselor may charge a fee for this short interview. Remember, this is your chance to interview the counselor, not to receive therapy. Stay focused, have specific questions in mind, and stick to your script. You can share your problems later if you feel comfortable with the counselor, but your primary goal is to assess if this counselor is a good fit for you or your loved one.
What do you ask? How do you know where they stand?
Here are some questions you may consider:
- What is your position on biblical sexual expression?
- What is the basis of your counseling? (Are they biblically based, behaviorally based, cognitive reconditioning, etc? You want someone who is strongly biblically based but also incorporates other modalities of psychological counseling as tools for deeper understanding and as an aid to facilitate change.)
- What do they mean by biblically based? (Have them explain this to you and ask additional questions to clarify.)
- Ask them, “If a person came to you and said they were gay and wanted to live that way, what would you say to them?” (A biblically based counselor should not affirm or encourage embracing an LGBTQIA+ identity because it violates biblical truth. However, the counselor should never force or coerce the client to make a change if that is not their desire. Helping the client explore the roots of their current identity would be more helpful.)
- What do you think healing will look like? (Do they predict a quick fix? A cessation of activity? A shift in orientation? Management of temptations? All the above? You need to ensure they are responding in a way that demonstrates balance and reasonableness in the treatment plan. Human sexuality and identity issues are complicated. Attractions don’t often quickly disappear, and some may be present forever. However, patient, grace-filled, informed therapy can bring relational congruity and appropriate personal identity. )
- Do you think people are born gay? (People aren’t born gay, according to the best scientific research to date. There is no singular reason for homosexuality.)
- Have you worked with people who struggle with this issue before? How successful was your counseling with them? How long did the counseling relationship last? (You want someone who has helped others and is familiar with this issue.)
- What can I expect as your plan of action? What specific things will you be exploring, and what will you be doing to move therapeutically through the counseling process? (Every case is different, and they might not know precisely what they will do. However, they should have a general plan in mind as to what they hope to accomplish. None of the treatment modalities should seem “weird” or “strange” to you. If they do, ask more questions to clarify. If you are uncomfortable with their answer, seek another counselor.)
BE CAREFUL. Please put more effort into finding a counselor than you do into hiring a house painter or babysitter. The counselor has the potential to significantly influence your life or that of a loved one. Be vigilant and thorough in your selection process.
Introducing Rooted Counseling
Because we are committed to Christ and to providing the best care for people, we have recently opened a counseling center, Rooted Counseling: The Center for Relational and Sexual Wholeness, based on Ephesians 3:17-19. We currently have counselors licensed to see clients in Texas and are actively expanding our team with therapists in other states so we can provide telehealth counseling nationwide. Our counselors are carefully selected, adhere to our statement of faith, have received training from us, and continue to maintain an ongoing relationship with us.
Sexual and relational brokenness resulting in identity confusion is a serious matter. Marriage and family conflicts are life-changing struggles. Addictions and childhood traumas can profoundly impact you and the lives of those around you. You want someone who knows what they are doing, has training in this area of ministry, and shares your biblical worldview. Finding a professional counselor who holds to an orthodox Christian position on God’s design and sexual expression while integrating the best of psychology is hard to find. At Rooted Counseling, we have done the work for you.
Whether you use the list above to secure a counselor in person or via telehealth, or choose to trust our gifted and committed counselors, we pray that you will seek the inner healing the Lord desires for you. We want every person to live with joy and walk in faithful obedience to God.