by Ricky Chelette, Executive Director

I remember traveling out of the country and visiting an amazing market in the local town square.  It was filled with vendors selling their wares of every kind.  As I navigated the various pathways between vendors, the numbers of designer items for sale intrigued me.  Everything from sunglasses to clothing, Rolex watches to handbags, the items were all sporting the names of the most desirable designers of the day.  I also noticed that these “designer” goods were being offered at incredibly discounted prices.  I questioned the vendors only to receive answers of such rhetorical gymnastics that even the best of attorneys would have been proud.

The truth was the items they were selling were not real designer goods, but cheaper counterfeits that were likely mass-produced.  Upon careful examination the quality of materials was not good, the craftsmanship was missing and the attention to detail was simply not there.  Counterfeit or not, tourist looking for a “great deal” were quickly purchasing the items.

I’ve been thinking about that experience and how it seems to give a bit of commentary about the world in which we live especially as it relates to the redefining of truth and love.

In our modern culture, truth and love are words thrown around as justification or reason for all manner of things. We ascribe it to what we feel, how much we like something, or our opinions.  Truth has become contextually defined to mean whatever is experienced by me and can be tangibly discerned.  Love, that trump card of all words, is seen as the highest virtue and value given to anyone or anything, yet its meaning is pinned more to doing whatever is best for me so long as it doesn’t inconvenience anyone else too much.

Both of these definitions, as they function in our culture, are void of any objective reality – something outside themselves.  I have a very difficult time saying I am the arbiter of my reality, for I know how easily I am inclined towards self-satisfaction/pleasure in all forms.  I need something outside myself from which to gain true meaning and definition – an objective truth, if you will.  As a result, I have taken on a Christian worldview; one rooted in the objective truth of God’s Word. In it, I find that both truth and love are God.  Jesus says, “I am the way, the truth and the life.  No one comes to the Father except through me” (Jn. 14:6).  And 1 John 4:16 states, “God is love, and the one who abides in love abides in God, and God abides in him.”

So Jesus is truth.  God is love.  In order for me to understand the real meaning of truth and love, I must know God and and live out the teachings of the Word of God for in it, God reveals who He is expressed as both God the Father and God the Son.  With this revelation I must embrace the reality that truth and love are not ideas, feelings, thoughts or perceptions, but a person – the triune, holy God.  With this understanding, I am then faced with aligning my life under the truth of God’s Word regardless of how I might feel about it.

Now you might be asking, “What does this have to do with counterfeit merchandise sold in the market square?”  Everything.  We are being sold truth and love that looks nothing like the real thing.  We are being convinced, even coerced, to embrace counterfeits that are masquerading as something real, when at best, they are hopeful want-a-be’s, sometimes outwardly appearing to be what is proclaimed but inwardly still as broken and unredeemed as we all are without Jesus in our lives.

Recently, TIME “LightBox” featured an article and video entitled “The Perfect Daughter: Gender Reassignment,” by Gillian Laub.  It is the story of a young boy (Niko) who thought he was a girl from a very young age.  The family went along with the 6-year-old boy’s desires to be a girl (Nikki) and at 10 allowed him to take hormone blockers that prevented his natural, sexual development.  The piece applauds the boy’s parents for their acceptance and support and celebrates the boy, now living and presenting as a girl, as brave and courageous for his decision. The comments are largely filled with praise:

“Ideal family. She’s very lucky.”

“Beautiful story about a beautiful family.”

“I fully support Nikki and her family in what was the right decision. Nikki is                 fortunate to have such an understanding father and mother.”[1]

Despite pink dresses and long hair, Niko was created as a boy, is designed as a boy, and was intended to be a boy.  I’m not discounting whatever gender dismorphia Niko might be experiencing, but I can’t believe that a life of hormone blockers and non-reversible gender reassignment surgery is speaking truth or being loving to this precious, sensitive, young man.  Could it be his love for pink and all things that sparkle is not the result of his gender confusion, but more deeply rooted in the sensitive soul that God has created in him?  Might it be that rather than hormones to hinder his sexual maturation, parents might try more earnestly to affirm the creative, artistic, aesthetically gifted young man God has designed him to be?

Is it being truthful to tell a boy he is a girl, knowing all along he will never be a fully realized woman, when he innately has the potential to be a fully complete man of God?

I want to stand with young men and women who are confused about their gender identity and are searching for hope and truth.  I want to see young men and women living in the truth of their created self as male and female.  But I am troubled by a culture that would allow a child born male to live out his life as a female. At six, a child would not be allowed to decide what to have for breakfast, but in this world can decide what gender he/she would want to be for the rest of his/her life.

While the marketplace is filled with the sounds of “vendors” offering counterfeits of truth and love that capture the hearts of hurting and lonely people, the Gospel continues to offer real truth and love that demonstrates itself by the very one who gives definition to both – Jesus Christ.

 Ricky Chelette, Executive Director

As my wife and I walked into the church it was beautifully decorated with candles and flowers, trellises and greenery, lanterns and white linens.  It looked like one of the grandest weddings you have ever seen – and it was!  There were no newlyweds here, no, not at all.  It was a wedding celebration for those who had been married for 50 years or more.  And to the surprise of most who attended, it wasn’t just a handful of these faithful saints.  There were 80 couples, all members of First Baptist Church, Arlington, TX, who were married for more than 50 years!

That was shocking to me because on a given Sunday morning, I generally see dozens of young couples and children, running around and busy about their Sunday morning worship and Bible study activities. Shocking too, because although I realize we are a First Baptist Church, the congregation is vibrant, growing, progressive, innovative and always open to new and exciting challenges.

As I looked out from the balcony over the 80 couples gathered below and their hundreds of family, friends and well-wishers, I was in awe of God’s goodness and faithfulness.

I told several of the twenty-something guys seated near my wife and me to take careful note.

“What you are seeing tonight you may never see again in your lifetime,” I lamented.

At first they look confused and then I explained.

“Gathered in front of you are people who have followed God’s plan and design for marriage and have been committed to his/her same spouse for over 50 years.”

Such long-enduring marital relationships will be hard to find twenty-five or thirty years from now for many reasons: 1) People are getting married much older than they used to, which means making 50 years together more difficult.  2) Many of the folks married today will not be married to the same person 50 years from now.  3) Beliefs about traditional, God-ordained, heterosexual marriage are shifting rapidly in our culture.

I watched with tears in my eyes as over 4,600 combined years of marriage were standing before me, hand in hand, eyes sparkling with love for each other, as they recited their vows of recommitment to each other and sealed it with a kiss.  This is better than a romance novel or a Hallmark after school special.  This is real life with real people who have made really hard decisions.

No doubt there were amazing stories of difficulties and dreams realized, triumph and tragedies, and untold perseverance.  If only the furrowed brows that marked so many faces could speak of the stories of difficulties and the joys these gathered saints had experienced.  I was in the presence of true greatness, not because any of them were famous in man’s eye, but because they were faithful followers of our great God and His plan for marriage.  They are my heroes, each and every one. Many had seen wars and fought on foreign soil, but that was not their highest claim to fame in my book.  They were heroes and heroines to me because they made a decision to be committed to their husband/wife, to the very end.  They were men and women of character and commitment, a rare commodity in today’s world.

I have to admit that I was envious.  I want to be married for 50, 60, 70 years!  But I’ve only been alive as long as they have been married. And I’ve only been married half as long as they have.  But they inspired me!

There were two camera crews from local DFW stations that covered the story and the local newspaper featured it on their front page.  But why weren’t the national news channels covering this story?   Why aren’t we telling these stories of inspiration and perseverance to the world?   Why is an NBA player announcing his sexual preferences more important than 4,600 years of marital commitment?  With bombing and saber rattling and rumors of wars abounding, we need some genuine good news, and this was the real deal.

I’m sad for our current generation of young people who will not know of such longevity of relationships, depth of commitments, and personal sacrifices for the good of the one you love.   They would do well to take a lesson from this great generation of committed saints.

When one of the ladies was asked, “What’s your secret to staying together?”  She quickly answered, “If you want to stay married, don’t get divorced!”  Wisdom!

These seasoned saints seemed to know something that too many have forgotten – sacrifice. Life was not about them, it was about the other; about family, love, commitment, and right decisions because they are right.  It was about God and family and commitment.  It was about honoring God and seeking Him in everything you do. It was about believing that anything worthy of praise is going to be difficult, but worth the hard work.

They are the greatest generation and I am afraid there will never be another like them.

 

It was a Christmas party, at least that is what we call it. It happens every year at LHM. We set aside one of our meeting nights and gather our group together at someone’s home for a time of feasting, friends and festivities. But despite the abundant food, the endless laughter, and the chatter of good friends sharing life’s stories, there is something very different; something very mystical that takes place.

The LHM Christmas party really isn’t just a party at all; it is a grand celebration of the work of God in the people of God that I wish everyone could experience.

At some point in the night we all press into one big room and begin singing, acappella, the traditional carols of Christmas. The harmonies are beautiful and the songs moving.  But even more beautiful are the stories shared.  Between each carol, people share how God has impacted their lives through the work of LHM this past year.

One newly married couple shared their journey of finding new freedom and how LHM helped them navigate their walk with each other and with God.  They shared how the world thought what they were doing was impossible, but they were living it, experiencing it, and loving every second of it.

Another couple, who had participated in the ministry years ago, shared how God used LHM to encourage them in their walk with God and are now celebrating their deep relationship and their beautiful daughter together.

A young man, involved in the ministry for over five years, shared that he is walking in freedom for the first time in years and has never felt more like a man nor more free than he does today.

A beautiful young woman shared how she is now living the life she always wanted – a life free from the crippling, unhealthy and emotionally dependent relationships that characterized her interactions with other women in the past.  Her joy was contagious.

An older gentleman whose life was dominated by destructive, anonymous sexual encounters, shared how he has been walking in freedom, finding that God is enough for his life and needs, and finally feeling that he is known, loved, and understood in the company of other men at LHM.  He now serves as a men’s small group leader.

A wife of a man who had secretly lived a double life, shared how her interactions with other wives who understood her pain and her situation, has encouraged her to stay with her marriage and her husband.  Through this difficult battle they have grown more in love with each other and with God and have found a place in LHM where they can be completely open and honest and find hope.

Several young men and women shared how they had moved from other states and even from another country to be a part of LHM.  Through their involvement in LHM, God had done amazing transformation in their hearts and lives.

But there was a singular phrase that resounded in every single testimony — a singular truth that dominated all of their stories:  “Living Hope is not about homosexuality, it is about falling in love with Jesus.”

As the Executive Director of this amazing God-led ministry, my heart was filled with gratitude for that singular revelation.  Though homosexuality is the reason most folks seek out the help of LHM, homosexuality has never been our main focus.  We know we are doomed without the power of Christ transforming our sinful hearts.  We know we all need God’s amazing grace and love in our lives.  We know we are not only called to forsake sin, but to embrace and surrender to a Savior who loved us enough to give His very life for us on the cross to redeem us from the penalty of sin.

As I listened to their stories my heart was encouraged.  In a world that says change is not possible, I was standing amidst over a hundred folks who were living out change in the most radical, unbelievable ways imaginable.  They were representative of thousands of folks who have come through LHM over the past twenty-three plus years and who are living out lives of obedience and surrender to Christ all around the world!

Over 20,000 people have come through LHM from over 168 countries around the world.  It is hard to comprehend how God could use a little ministry in the heart of Texas to touch a world with the message of hope and change, but that is the kind of God we serve.  It is hard to comprehend how men and women enslaved to destructive patterns of living can find freedom and hope, but He is faithful.  It is hard to comprehend how a baby born in a manger, killed on tree, and raised from the dead, could bring redemption to mankind, but He did and He does.

As we sang with full hearts, “Joy to the world, the Lord has come…” nothing was more evident or more true. The last line of the carol is, “…And wonders, wonders of His love.”  Amidst the group of joyful singers and transformed lives, nothing was more obvious or more beautiful.  His love is transformational and we are honored to share it with all who have ears to hear and hearts to believe — He is able!

 

 

Becoming an adult isn’t easy.  In fact, it is one of the hardest changes everyone goes through.  For those who struggle with same gender attraction it is particularly difficult because there were legitimate needs that were unmet during our maturation process. Those needs weren’t always kept from us or hidden from us, often times they were just presented in a way that we could not perceive they were being given. Other times things happened, bad things, abusive things, painful and hurtful things, that colored the world and stole the sense of innocence each person should experience in youth.

But childhood is meant for children, not adults. It is a time of focusing on self, learning how to navigate and understand the world around you, and finding pleasure in everything. In fact, one of the main motivations of a child’s heart is his own sense of pleasure. Whatever feels good is good, or so he thinks.

But a pleasure seeking mentally does not work in adulthood.  Pleasure and its counterpart, the avoidance of pain, cannot be the compass that guides our lives.  When it is, our choices are self-serving, selfish, or avoidant.  We either run towards indulgence or hide in fear of pain.

In 1 Corinthians 13:11 Paul says, “When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I gave up childish ways.”  What a brash statement and so much easier said than actually done. Paul “gave up childish ways.”  In the context of 1 Corinthians 13 you read that as an adult, Paul realized the world was not all about him.  He was created to serve God and to serve others. His love for others had to supersede his love for his own pleasure. We too must learn this powerful lesson.

Weekly I meet with men and women who are consumed with meeting unmet needs that should have been cared for in childhood:  a mother’s embrace, a father’s affection, a dad’s affirmation, a friend’s attention, a safe place to call home, a sense of personal worth or safety, and the list goes on.  As crucial as each of these things are to healthy growth and development as people, there reaches a time when we must admit that some things we long for may never actually be experienced.

As a grown man I am not going to crawl into the arms of my mother or father and be rocked.  I can’t be five again and neither can you. We have to reach a place in our lives where we acknowledge the pain caused from our unmet needs and simply surrender those things at the foot of the cross. Our insistence that others meet these needs in our lives is neither fair nor accurate. In fact, others can’t do what God intended families to do and sometimes, because of our fallen world filled with fallen people, families just fail. It is at the foot of the cross that we can grieve the loss of that which never was or may never be and hear the voice of our heavenly Father who sings in delight over us.  In His presence we can put away the childish things.

It is time to grow up and be the men and women God has called us to be.  It is time to stop seeking our personal pleasure and die to ourselves so Christ might live through us. It is time to take up our cross and follow Jesus, denying the things which feed our flesh, our pride, and our egos, and embrace the One through whom our wounds are healed.  Jesus won’t minimize our pain or trivialize our hurts. He has taken every one of them on Himself, onto the cross, and in its place of wounding, replaced it with strength and comfort.  “God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble” (Ps. 46:1).

The time of temper tantrums, pouting and pleasure seeking is over.  When I became a man, I put away those childish things… and so should you!

Ricky Chelette is the Executive Director of LHM. He is an ordained minister with a Masters degree in Religious Education from New Orleans Baptist Theological Seminary and serves as the Minister of Pastoral Ministries at First Baptist Church, Arlington, TX. 

Do you have any kind of sexual or relational struggles? Do you find that you have difficulties in maintaining deep or intimate relationships with others? Have you been sexually or relationally abused, battered, wounded?  If you listen to the news you likely heard of the child molestation cases against prominent coaches, or the more local news of a man installing camera spy equipment in mens’ bathrooms disguised as air fresheners.  The list goes on and on.  The fact is, our world is very fallen and we humans are very sinful.  What result?  Hurt, wounds and pain.

Despite the fact that 1 in 4 girls and 1 in 6 boys will have experienced sexual abuse by the time they are 18, few people have outlets to talk openly, honestly, and redemptively about their struggles.  Living Waters provides such a place.

For over 23 years Living Hope has created an environment where folks can share openly and honestly about their deepest struggles. The Living Waters program is a part of the offerings of LHM that helps folks walk out their struggle in a healthy, encouraging, and grace-filled environment That is strongly grounded in God’s Word.

If you are interested in applying for LW, please complete the form HERE.

Those who have been through the program have been deeply touched and profoundly changed by the experience.  “It indeed is life-changing!”

*You do not have to be a member of LHM or struggle with SSA to participate in LW. It is open to anyone who is interested and has completed the intake process.