by Marsha Inman, Friends & Family Director
When parents contact Living Hope, many of them describe themselves as being in the lowest place they have ever been in their lives. Some express that they can’t imagine ever laughing or being happy again. They are committed Christian parents who strove to give their children the best start possible in life and encourage them to have a relationship with God through His son, Jesus. It is understandable that watching their child choose a path that will take them away from a vibrant Christian walk would cause them grief and pain. How can it be possible for them to have joy in this journey?
Of course, there is a place for the parents to grieve and process what life and their relationship with their child looks like now. It is appropriate to recognize the reality of what they are feeling and give time and space to work through it. However, parents cannot stay there – it is not good for them, for their same-sex or trans identifying child, for other children that they might have or for their testimony to others. How is it possible for a person to have joy when a child is making decisions about their life that their parents feel are detrimental to their spirit and harmful to their body?
Life is a Journey
It is important to portray this season of life as a journey. The revelation of their child’s new identity may have seemed to come out of nowhere, but in reality, they arrived at this decision after much thought and inner turmoil. They have already been on a journey and are well down the path by the time most parents are aware of this shift. The journey out of this new identity will take time. Parents don’t have the power to change their child – that’s a power reserved to the Lord. However, with much prayer, listening to the Holy Spirit, and working through how to walk the line between holding their convictions and loving their child, hopefully, they will be able to stay in a relationship with them.
Since this journey is long and progress is at a snail’s pace, where does a parent find hope, much less joy, as they reluctantly proceed? The key is figuring out where to put their hope. The natural place where parents place their hope is in their child. They pray for a breakthrough, look for it in every interaction with them, and celebrate when they feel they see movement. The analogy of a journey is particularly appropriate here – there are few journeys that proceed uphill only, with no dips or difficult stretches. Accept that there will be ups and downs. Parents need to hold their expectations loosely, or they will find themselves emotionally alternating between highs and lows as they observe varying behaviors in their child. In other words, parents should try not to put their hope in what their child does or does not do.
Our hope must be in the Lord
If parents can’t place hope in their child, where can they put it? Hope must be placed in something reliable and trustworthy. Christians know the only one who is reliable is the Lord. The focus must turn from their child’s behaviors and chosen identity to look instead at the One who made him or her. Reflect on God’s character. He is faithful (Ex. 34:6), kind (Rom. 2:4), the good Shepherd who lays down His life for His sheep (John 10:11) and goes after any strays (Matt. 18:12). Once their child belongs to Him, they are secure in His grasp (John 10:28). He can be trusted with their child. Spend time in the Word, looking for God’s promises, of which the following are only a few:
“And now, Lord, for what do I wait? My hope is in You. (Ps. 39:7)
“Blessed is he whose help is the God of Jacob, whose hope is in the Lord his God.” (Ps. 146:5)
“Those who sow in tears shall harvest with joyful shouting.” (Ps. 126:5)
“You will make known to me the way of life; In Your presence is fullness of joy; In Your right hand there are pleasures forever.” (Ps. 16:11)
“I certainly believed that I would see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.
Wait for the Lord; be strong and let your heart take courage; yes, wait for the Lord.” (Ps. 27:13-14)
“Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that you will abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.” Romans 15:13
“As for me, I watch in hope for the Lord, I wait for God my Savior, my God will hear me.” (Micah 7:7)
In God, We Can Trust
When a parent’s hope rests in God’s character, the certainty of His promises, and they maintain a close connection to Him, joy will come. There will be ups and downs in the journey ahead, for both the parents and their child, but Jesus has promised that he will be “…with you always, even to the end of the age.” (Matt. 28:20) He will be there. Look for Him.
The Lord’s acts of mercy indeed do not end, for His compassions do not fail. They are new every morning; Great is Your faithfulness. (Lam. 3:22-23)