Fear or Inexperience? Learning to Walk Where You’ve Never Stepped Before
Bruno Borges, Men’s Minister
“Fear comes from inexperience, not incapability. You’re afraid because you haven’t done it yet, not because you can’t do it. Inexperience is the problem to be solved, and it’s solved through having the courage to act.” — Sahil Bloom
When I first read that quote, it hit me like a gut punch—not because it was discouraging, but because it exposed something that I believe is deeply true about the men I walk with here at Living Hope. Many of you are not battling a lack of capacity. You’re not too broken. You’re not permanently flawed. You’re not incapable of transformation. What you’re wrestling with is inexperience—and the fear that tags along with it like a shadow.
One of the most common areas I see this in is in your relationships with other men. For years, many of you have lived with the lie that you’re “other than”—unlike the rest of the guys. Maybe you’ve felt out of place in the locker room, the youth group, or even your own home. And now, as a man who desires to walk in holiness, you know you need male friendships—but you’re terrified to pursue them. Why? Because you’ve never experienced them in a healthy way before. That fear feels like incapability. But it’s not. It’s just inexperience.
The enemy is clever. He whispers, “If you get close to that guy at church, you’ll mess it up.” Or, “You’ll feel something inappropriate again and shame will take you under.” So, you isolate. You avoid. You convince yourself that brotherhood is for other people. But the truth is, God made you for brotherhood. You were manufactured for connection. What you’re afraid of isn’t danger—it’s the unfamiliar. But the only way to gain experience is to step into it. Carefully. Prayerfully. Courageously.
I’ve also had many of you share your fears about dating or marriage. You’ve said things like, “What if I never feel attraction to a woman?” or “What if I hurt someone I’m trying to love?” Let me be clear—romantic relationships with the opposite sex are not the answer to same-sex attractions. But for some of you, God may lead you into marriage. And if He does, it won’t be because you overcame your feelings. It will be because He grew you into a man who could love someone faithfully, even when it felt scary.
Many of you haven’t had experience pursuing a woman, honoring her, dating her with integrity. It’s foreign. But foreign doesn’t mean impossible. Foreign just means new. Inexperience just means you haven’t walked that road yet. And if God leads you there, He will not only equip you—He will walk beside you every step.
The same can be said for those of you who are called to a longer season—or even a lifetime—of singleness. So many men in this fight believe it’s impossible to live a joyful life of holiness without sex or romance. You fear the quiet. You fear the loneliness. You fear the emptiness. But again, I urge you to ask: Is it truly impossible, or just unfamiliar?
We live in a world that normalizes pornography, hook-ups, and sexual indulgence. So, when you step away from that lifestyle, it feels like walking blindfolded. But what if that uncertainty is not a sign of failure, but of growth? What if that fear is the birthplace of something holy? Jesus Himself lived single and never sinned. The apostle Paul said singleness is a gift (1 Corinthians 7:7). What if your fear isn’t telling you the truth—but simply revealing your need for deeper experience with God?
That’s the core issue, isn’t it? Our relationship with God. Even that can feel scary. Because deep down, you know that if you really press in—if you surrender everything—God is going to change you. He’s going to ask you to let go of things you’ve held onto for a long time. And that can feel terrifying. But again, what you’re feeling isn’t necessarily fear of God. It’s fear of letting go. It’s fear of surrender. It’s fear of becoming someone new. And yet, this too is only unfamiliar territory. You were made for Him. Your soul was created to walk with God. You are capable. You’re just inexperienced.
Psalm 34:4 says, “I sought the Lord, and He answered me; He delivered me from all my fears.” God doesn’t mock our fear—He meets us in it. But He doesn’t want us to stay there. He calls us into courage. Not self-made bravado, but Spirit-empowered faith. As 2 Timothy 1:7 reminds us, “For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.”
A dear friend recently shared a powerful thought with me. He said, “When we walk through the gates of heaven, we’ll probably ask ourselves, ‘Why did I let so many things get in the way of getting here?’” That question has haunted me—in the best way. What fears, what lies, what inexperience kept us from joy, from holiness, from walking in the fullness of God’s plan?
Brothers, don’t let fear masquerading as incapability rob you of the life God is calling you to. If you feel fear rising, ask yourself: Is this something I truly can’t do, or is it something I’ve never done before? The solution to inexperience is action. Not reckless action, but Spirit-led, humble, bold steps of obedience.
Let’s not be men who settle for survival. Let’s be men who step into the unknown with courage, knowing that Jesus is with us—and He’s not afraid of our fears. He’s leading us into something better. Always.